Q: Why didn't anyone laugh at the gardener's jokes?
A: Because they were too corny!
Q: What do you tell a vegetable after it graduates from College?
A: Corn' gratulations.
Q: What does corn use for money?A: Cornbread.
The Recipe
x2 8.5oz Packages of Jiffy Mix Cornbread Mix
X2 Eggs
⅔ Cup whole Milk
x1 8oz Can Creamed Corn
x1 TBSP Lard, Shortening or Butter
Optional (Some, All or None)
x1 Cup Sharp Shredded Cheese
x2 to x3 TBSP Diced Fresh or Dried Jalapeno (How much kick do you like?)
½ Cup Crumbled Bacon
Preheat your oven to 400 degrees.
Preheat a 12” cast iron skillet over medium heat until it is nice and hot.
Mix the Jiffy Mix, Eggs and Milk together until they are just combined. Add the Can of Creamed Corn and any of the optional ingredients you have decided on. Mix together again. The batter will be lumpy and that’s okay.
Melt the Lard, Shortening or Butter and let the pan get nice and hot again.
Pour the batter into the cast iron skillet. The batter should start to sizzle and bubble around the edges. This is the first step to amazing cornbread! Continue to cook on the stove top for another 2 to 3 minutes.
Place the skillet in the oven and bake for 20 to 30 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean.
Her 7-year-old grandson surprised this little grandmother one morning by making her coffee. She drank what was the worst cup of coffee she had ever had. When she got to the bottom of the cup there were three green army men in the bottom of the cup. She said, "Honey, what are the army men doing in my coffee?" Her grandson said, "Grandma it says on TV that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup."
The Recipe
1 stick unsalted butter
3 / 4 cup light brown sugar
1 / 4 cup white sugar
1 egg
4 tsp instant coffee granules
1 tbsp hot water
1 and 1 / 4 cup all-purpose flour
1 / 2 tsp baking soda
1 / 4 tsp salt
1 cup toffee pieces
Preheat the oven to 325 degrees.
Dissolve the instant coffee in the hot water and set aside to cool. Cream the butter, brown and white sugar together until it lightens in color slightly. Mix in the coffee and egg. Set aside.
Whisk together the flour, baking soda and salt. Add to the butter mixture and mix till it just comes together. Add toffee pieces and finish mixing. Be careful to not over mix or you will have one tough cookie. And not in a good way.
Split in half and form into two equal sized logs approximately a inch and a half wide. Wrap in plastic wrap and place in the refrigerator for a minimum of one hour.
Either roll the dough out to 1 / 4 inch thickness and cut with a cookie cutter or slice the dough log to 1 / 4 inch slices and place on a parchment lines cookie sheet.
Bake for 12 to 15 minutes. Allow to cool slightly before moving to a cooling rack.
As the coals from our barbecue burned down, our hosts passed out marshmallows and long roasting forks.
Just then, two fire trucks roared by, sirens blaring, lights flashing. They stopped at a house right down the block.
All twelve of us raced out of the back yard, down the street, where we found the owners of the blazing house standing by helplessly.
They glared at us with looks of disgust.
Suddenly, we realized why………we were all still holding our roasting forks with marshmallows on them…
The Recipe
1 to 2 lbs chicken – boneless or pieces
The Rub
1 / 2 cup dark brown sugar
3 tbsp kosher salt or smoked kosher salt
1 tbsp chili powder
1 / 2 tsp pepper
1 / 2 tsp Aleppo pepper
1 / 2 tsp dried jalapeno
1 / 2 tsp onion powder
1 / 2 tsp rubbed thyme
1 / 2 tsp paprika or smoked paprika
1 / 2 tsp cumin
1 / 2 tsp ground ginger
Mix all ingredients well.
Pat the chicken dry with a paper towel. Spoon the dry rub over the chicken pieces. Turn to coat and pat the rub in. Cover and set in the refrigerator for up to 12 hours.
The Sauce
1 cup ketchup
1 / 4 cup dark brown sugar
1 / 4 cup Apple Jack – The liquor. Not the cereal.
2 limes juiced
1 tbsp maple syrup
1 tbsp candied ginger - minced
1 tsp Aleppo pepper
1 tsp adobo spice
1 / 2 tsp garlic powder
1 / 2 tsp onion powder
1 / 4 tsp anise seeds - ground
Mix and heat all ingredients in a med saucepan over med heat.
Red Skin Potatoes
1 tbsp olive oil
1 pinch of kosher salt
1 turn of the pepper mill
for every 7 red skin potatoes
Wash the red skin potatoes and place in a large zip top bag. Add olive oil, salt and pepper. Shake to coat. The measurements are ballpark measurements. This does not have to be exact.
Fire up the grill!
The red skins are going to take the longest to cook, so they go on first. I leave them whole and put them on as is. They are large enough not to fall through the grate and easy enough to move with tongs.
Grill until you start to get some color and grill marks, then flip one quarter way and repeat. Continue repeating on the other sides, then move to a cooler part of the grill to finish baking.
Bring the chicken out and place it on the grill. You are looking for an internal temp of 165 degrees. Once that mark is reached, pull off the grill. The potatoes should be slightly soft. If they are still firm, leave them on for a few more minutes.
Brush the chicken with BBQ sauce and cover. Let rest for 10-15 min.
Serve with the extra BBQ sauce for dipping.
My Thoughts
Alton Browns Apple Pie recipe is by far the best apple pie I have ever had. Ever. Period. End of story. It only has one problem, though. The requirement of Apple Jack. I just do not drink enough Apple Jack or make enough apple pies to warrant keeping it on hand. This BBQ sauce just could be another good reason.
I like using smoked salt and paprika in my rubs. It gives the meat a kind of faux smoked flavor. Faux BBQ if you will. I do not care for them in my sauce, though. I like the clean flavors of the Apple Jack, lime and maple. Weird, I know.
F16 vs. C-130
A C-130 was lumbering along when a cocky F-16 flashed by. The jet jockey decided to show off.
The fighter jock told the C-130 pilot, 'watch this!' and promptly went into a barrel roll followed by a steep climb. He then finished with a sonic boom as he broke the sound barrier.
The F-16 pilot asked the C-130 pilot what he thought of that?The C-130 pilot said, 'That was impressive, but watch this!'The C-130 droned along for about 5 minutes and then the C-130 pilot came back on and said: 'What did you think of that?'
Puzzled, the F-16 pilot asked, 'What the heck did you do?'
The C-130 pilot chuckled. 'I stood up, stretched my legs, walked to the back, took a leak, then got a cup of coffee and a cinnamon roll.'
VS.
A family of moles had been hibernating all winter. One beautiful spring morning, they woke up. The father mole stuck his head out of the hole and looked around. "Mother Mole!" He called back down the hole. "Come up here! I smell honey, fresh made honey!" The mother mole ran up and squeezed in next to him. "That's not honey, that's maple syrup! I smell maple syrup!" The baby mole, still down in the hole, was sulking. "I can't smell anything down here but molasses ..."
The Recipe
The Dough – This dough is used for both
4 large egg yolks
1 large whole egg
1 / 4 cup sugar
6 tablespoons unsalted butter - melted
3 / 4 cup buttermilk
4 cups all-purpose flour
1 package instant dry yeast
1 1 / 4 tsp kosher salt
Canola oil or cooking spray
Whisk the egg yolks, whole egg, sugar, butter, and buttermilk. Add the flour along with the yeast and salt; mix to combine. Turn the dough out onto a floured work surface. Knead until smooth, soft dough forms. Lightly oil a large bowl. Move the dough to the bowl and roll to cover with oil. Cover and let double in volume, 2 to 2 1/2 hours.
Cinnamon Rolls
Filling
1 cup dark brown sugar
1 tbsp ground cinnamon
Pinch of kosher salt
1 1 / 2 tbsp unsalted butter
Frosting
1/4 cup cream cheese
3 tbsp milk
1 1 / 2 cups powdered sugar
1 tbsp vanilla extract
Combine the brown sugar, cinnamon and salt in a medium bowl. Mix until well combined and set aside.
Spray a six slot, giant muffin tin with non-stick spray.
Turn the dough out onto a lightly floured work surface. Roll into an 18 by 12-inch rectangle. Brush the dough with the melted butter. Leaving 1/2-inch border along one of the short edges. Sprinkle the filling mixture over the dough, leaving a 3/4-inch border along the same edge. Gently press the filling into the dough. Beginning with the opposite end from the border, roll the dough into a tight cylinder. Firmly pinch the seam to seal and roll the cylinder seam side down. Very gently squeeze the cylinder to create even thickness.
Using a serrated knife, slice the cylinder into 6 equal rolls. Arrange rolls in the baking dish; cover tightly with plastic wrap and store in the refrigerator overnight.
Remove the rolls from the refrigerator and place in an oven that is turned off. Fill a shallow pan 2/3-full of boiling water and set on the rack below the rolls. Close the oven door and let the rolls rise until they look slightly puffy; approximately 30 minutes.
Remove the rolls and the shallow pan of water from the oven.
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.
When the oven is ready, place the rolls on the middle rack and bake until golden brown, Approximately 30 to 40 minutes.
While the rolls are cooling slightly, make the frosting by beating the cream cheese with a mixer until creamy. Add the milk and combine. Slowly add the powdered sugar, and beat until smooth.
Remove rolls to a plate and spread frosting over the rolls and serve immediately.
Maple Pecan Rolls
Filling
1 / 2 cup chopped pecans
1 / 2 cup dark brown sugar
2 tsp ground cinnamon
Pinch salt
1 1/2 tbsp unsalted butter
Syrup
1 cup maple syrup
8 tbsp unsalted butter
1 cup light brown sugar
1 / 2 cup chopped pecans
Combine the brown sugar, cinnamon, salt and pecans for the filling in a medium bowl. Mix until well incorporated. Set-aside.
Spay a 9” round baking dish with nonstick spray.
Turn the dough out onto a lightly floured work surface. Roll into an 18 by 12-inch rectangle. Brush the dough with the melted butter. Leaving 1/2-inch border along one of the short edges. Sprinkle the filling mixture over the dough, leaving a 3/4-inch border along the same edge. Gently press the filling into the dough. Beginning with the opposite end from the border, roll the dough into a tight cylinder. Firmly pinch the seam to seal and roll the cylinder seam side down. Very gently squeeze the cylinder to create even thickness. Let rest.
In a medium saucepan, melt the butter. Once melted, slowly add the maple syrup. Stir to combine. Add in the brown sugar and slowly stir until dissolved. Mix in pecans and allow to cool slightly. Pour into the bottom of your greased 9” round pan.
Using a serrated knife, slice the cylinder into 5 equal rolls. Arrange rolls in the baking dish. Cover tightly with plastic wrap and store in the refrigerator overnight.
Remove the rolls from the refrigerator and place in an oven that is turned off. Fill a shallow pan 2/3-full of boiling water and set on the rack below the rolls. Close the oven door and let the rolls rise until they look slightly puffy; approximately 30 minutes.
Remove the rolls and the shallow pan of water from the oven.
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.
When the oven is ready, place the rolls on the middle rack (you may want to put a baking sheet underneath. Maple Carmel is kind of hard to clean off the bottom of an oven if it boils over) and bake until golden brown, Approximately 30 to 40 minutes.
Allow to cool for 15min. Cover with a large plate and carefully and quickly flip out onto.
My thoughts
The dough is a slightly modified version of Alton Browns Overnight Cinnamon Rolls. For my money, this is the best dough out there for this application.
This is a tough battle. Both are made the night before, so mornings do not require a lot of thought. The maple pecan rolls are so sticky and delicious. However, baking the cinnamon rolls in the muffin tins allow them to open up on the top. When you spoon the frosting over the top, it runs down inside.
This gives nice, even distribution.
The cinnamon rolls travel better if you are sending them off with someone. However the maple pecan rolls heat up every bit as good.
An American businessman goes to Japan on a business trip, but he hates
Japanese food, so he asks the concierge at his hotel if there’s any place around
where he can get American food.
The concierge tells him he’s in luck; there’s a pizza place that just opened,
and they deliver. The concierge gives the businessman the phone number, and he
goes back to his room and orders a pizza.
Thirty minutes later, the delivery guy shows up to the door with the pizza.
The businessman takes the pizza, and starts sneezing uncontrollably.
He asks the delivery man, ”What the heck did you put on this pizza?”
The delivery man bows deeply and says, ”We put on the pizza what you ordered,
pepper only.”
The Recipe
Sauce
1 can (6 ounces) tomato paste
1 can (28-ounce) whole peeled San Marzano tomatoes, drained well
1 / 4 cup red wine
2 tbsp grated parmesan cheese
2 clove garlic
2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp sugar
1/4 tsp pepper
1 tbsp basil
1 tsp oregano
2 tbsp olive oil
1 / 2 tsp crushed red pepper
Combine all ingredients and pulse till smooth in the bowl of your food processor. Makes enough for two pizzas with enough extra to use for dipping.
Dough
1 pkg active dry yeast
1 1 / 4 cups filtered water
3 1 / 4 cups bread flour
1 tsp kosher salt
1 tbsp honey
1 tbsp olive oil
Add the honey to the water and heat till just warm. Bloom the yeast in the water honey mixture.
Wisk the flour and salt to combine. Add the water, yeast and honey to the flour. Mix until it just comes together. Turn the dough out onto your work surface and kneed till a smooth dough forms. About 5 minutes should do.
Place the dough back into the bowl and coat with the olive oil, cover with a towel. Let rise for one hour.
Heat your oven its hottest setting.
Cut the dough in half and form two balls. Cover with a towel and let rise for half an hour.
Press the dough into two equal size pizzas. Be sure to leave enough edge to hold the sauce and toppings. Cover and let rise for ten minutes.
Top your pizzas with sauce, cheese and toppings.
Bake directly on a pizza stone for 20 to 30 minutes.
My Thoughts
This dough makes enough for two decent size pizzas.
The pizza dough is even better if you make it the day before. Mature dough always is. Before your first rise, coat the dough with olive oil, cover with parchment paper, place it in a zip top bag and pop it in the refrigerator. Two hours before you are ready to bake your pizza, take it out and continue.
If you do not have a pizza stone, pick one up. It is the only way to get really great crusts. I bake all of my bread on one.
Crispy crust tip – Take a water bottle and spray the crust of the pizza (or any bread) at three, six and ten minutes of baking.
No matter how much sauce you like on your pizza, you will have some extra. This is perfect for crust dipping or bread sticks. That recipe will have to wait for another day.
How about another Joke
A college pizza delivery boy arrived at the house of Larry Johnson. He delivered the pizza to his trailer. After giving it to him, Larry asked: "What is the usual tip?"
"Well," replied the youth, "this is my first trip here, but the other guys say if I get a quarter out of you, I'll be doing great." "Is that so?" snorted Larry. "Well, just to show them how wrong they are, here's five dollars."
"Thanks," replied the youth, "I'll put this in my school fund."
